EXCLUSIVE: Irrfan Khan’s wife Sutapa Sikdar breaks down discussing his cancer journey: I still have sleepless nights

Irrfan Khan was one of the most loved actors in the industry. Irrfan bid goodbye to the world on April 29, 2020, after a long battle with neuroendocrine tumour. Irrfan is no more but he continues to live in hearts of his family and fans. Now, in Bollywood Bubble’s Her Story, Irrfan Khan’s wife and writer Sutapa Sikdar opened up about the late actor’s battle with cancer and how she was by his side during the tough times. Sutapa Sikdar, who was a pillar of strength to Irrfan, got emotional talking about him.

Irrfan Khan’s wife Sutapa shared, “When we got to know, there were no symptoms. There were no symptoms and he was to leave for his shoot and there was slight uneasiness on his stomach and they got some tests done. They said ok and get some more tests done and tests tests tests… So it all happened within say 15 days. And in 15 days, we came to know that its advanced stage of   neuroendocrine cancer.”

 

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Talking about how she took care of him, Sutapa said, “I’ve never had a cancer patient in my family ever so this was my first thing. I exactly didn’t know what to do. He, first of all, didn’t want to do chemotherapy. He didn’t want to do anything with the Allopath. So we had this whole thing. He used to have organic food, no aluminum utensils. He lived a very holistic life. So first thing that came to my mind was ‘How did it happen? Why?’ And then, there was, at that point, a lot of depression and more than that, there was a lot of bewilderment. I feel today na and there’s where I feel…those are my sleepless nights is because I feel that I never believed it. I was going like a great producer, behaving like a great producer.. like immediately getting on to all over the world, all the kind of doctors, embassy, this friend, this politician connection. So I didn’t even give my mind to register anything, not even a second. I was at it and I did not let anybody interfere.”

Sutapa went on to add, “Initially, we had this family but I would get impatient with the way they were discussing because it would take a two-hour long thing. I said ‘no, this has to be done’. Somebody said something that it’s very important and there’s a guy who is in Dehradun. And while they are discussing the pros and cons, I’ve already discussed, I have spoken to somebody in Dehradun and I just come out of my bedroom and still they are discussing. So I said just come in by tomorrow morning’s flight. So I was at it relentless on everything.”

Sutapa added that she believed all will be fine. She said, “I did not give my mind to grieve, even to the news. I just did not because I was so sure I’ll take him out. That’s what I feel very helpless sometimes because I feel I gave him those signals that I’ll take him out. We were friends like that. I never said ‘aare theek hojayega’. I did not even give it bhav. I was just at it ki yeh karna hai, woh karna hai, yeh karna hai. We didn’t hire a nurse. Never. This entire thing we didn’t hire a nurse. So 24/7 I was with him and he wouldn’t have anybody else.”

Sutapa braved it with a smile on her face. Talking about the same, she said, “I did. It was very difficult but you know, that’s where I am also.. I am crying today is because that’s because of my smile only I gave a wrong impression to Irrfan that we will brave through it. I was very sure but I don’t know why. Today, I feel I cannot really predict death.”

Sutapa also talked about how their bond was a ‘union’ and not a ‘marriage’.

Also Read: Irrfan Khan’s wife Sutapa Sikdar pens an emotional note: Miss you is an understatement